Anyone who has a chronic illness is likely to have heard the words “keep strong!” They are normally well meaning words. And in one sense there is nothing wrong with them. And yet they annoy me a bit each time they are said to me.

Sometimes other people will say something like “Oh you are strong, I admire you. I don’t know how you cope”. I often wish I could take them back to points in the still quite recent past when I was crying into my pillow at night. I wonder if they’d still think I was strong  after seeing me there.

In the first example I shared your friend is encouraging you to stay strong. In the second they are praising you for being strong.

And yet most of us with a chronic illness don’t feel strong at all. We feel weak. Increasingly weak. In some cases finding it hard to get out of bed weak. Someone said you don’t know what fatigue is until you have had to take a rest after taking a shower.

This weakness takes many forms. We may feel physically weak in our muscles and stamina. This is a major part of fatigue, that strange symptom so common to many with  all kinds of chronic illness, yet so hard to explain to those who’ve never had it. It’s not just the same as being tired. Weakness is a major aspect to it.

It’s usually not just physical weakness, it’s mental weakness too. Our brains may find it hard to concentrate. Or in some cases too much stimulation quite literally does our heads in. For some people this results in dreadful headaches which are part of this weakness and fatigue. The brain can feel incredibly weak and vulnerable and as a result mental tasks become impossible to perform adequately.

Emotionally we can feel weak too. The effort of even a normal conversation can bring us close to tears. Dealing with the normal emotional ups and downs of a day may feel overwhelming to some of us as we just feel we need a break.

Spiritually we can even feel weak too. It can be hard to feel close to God when you may struggle to concentrate enough to read the Bible and pray. All kinds of questions about your faith may challenge your relationship with God.

And so if you are feeling so weak in so many ways, being told to be strong can be just crushing. Indeed the words I quoted earlier could actually be seen as a bit insensitive to the loss and pain many with chronic illness may well be  feeling

And yet.

I have several friends with chronic illnesses, and in some cases severe pain, who are like that. They inspire me greatly.

These friends are weak in many or all of the ways I mentioned. And yet they have an inner strength about them that is quite remarkable. They have a determination and resolve which gets them through their various  chronic conditions  which are incredibly difficult to cope with. They come across as remarkably strong even though their weakness is also undeniable.

Most of them have learnt to plan their activities around the times they feel stronger than others physically. They have built a life for themselves, which can be very hard if your old life of going out to work and routine has come tumbling down. My friends with chronic illnesses often learn really well the secret of how to be content in all circumstances; no matter how much they have lost compared to the lives they had before.

My friends with chronic illness would often describe themselves as weak. And yet on the inside most are much stronger than many healthy people I’ve met.

If you ask those of my friends with such conditions who are Christians how they are able to be strong whilst still experiencing and acknowledging weakness, they will often simply say that their challenges have drawn them closer to Jesus, that his presence is precious to them, and that far from giving way to feeling sorry for themselves they are full of genuine gratitude to God for all his kindness.  Of course the sense of loss does still grab each of them from time to time.

Over on my Christian blog I have explained a bit more about how this works, including a long quote from Spurgoen, a famous Christian preacher who also suffered from ill health:

Learn More about Fatigue and that feeling of weaknesss