Why the struggle is what really counts

Sometimes when people ask me how I am I don’t quite know what to say. The truthful answer might be one word “struggling”. Or even “terrible”. I often say “not too bad” imagining in my mind the worst that I have been and thinking well at least I am not that bad at the moment. I haven’t felt like it would be particularly honest of me to say “fine” or “really good!” ever since my diagnosis over the last 3 years. And that has been true much of the time emotionally too.

The weird thing is the more I tell people how I feel, especially in written form on a blog the more they tell me “You are so brave” or “you are so strong!” I feel like yelling back at them “No I am not! I am scared and I am weak!”

As a Christian who believes in the bodily resurrection of Jesus, and even wrote two books about it, I often feel like I should be full of hope, peace and joy at all times. Yet as I tried to explain in my three year anniversary reflections the truth is the last years have been a struggle to not let go of all three of those things. It is a battle we all face. But it is a battle that can sometimes be especially hard for a Christian because of this expectation we put on ourselves that we should be able to rise above all our problems gliding on some kind of celestial magic carpet!

If we believe in the resurrection of Jesus it does give us an eternal hope that at the very least takes the edge of our pain. But it sure doesn’t eliminate it for me. Years ago I wrote a post on the subject of grieving and explained that hope doesn’t take away grief it just changes it. I have, like many others with blood cancer, been grieving the loss of my old life. But there has been much to be thankful for and so I have been sorrowful yet always rejoicing.

The resurrection does make a difference though. And our belief as Christians in both our own resurrection and that of Jesus Christ is what marks all of us, no matter what denomination or wing of the Church, out as different from every body else.

In my first book I offered the following definition of a Christian:

A Christian is someone who believes in the physical resurrection of Jesus Christ and lives in light of the implications of that event.
Adrian Warnock, Raised With Christ – How the Resurrection Changes Everything

Arguably there is a bigger difference between someone who believes in Jesus’ resurrection and someone who doesn’t than between someone who is an atheist and someone who believes in God. Jordan Peterson in the fascinating and encouraging clip which I am going to share stated the same point. In fact he said that this question of the resurrection may be the most important question he has ever considered.

But when asked whether he actually believed the tomb was empty Jordan’s answer was fascinating and encouraging. He admitted this was something he struggled with and that actually the Bible seems to be full of people who struggle with God. In fact the very name of the people of God in the Old Testament was Israel and it means “one who struggles with God”. He argued the in reality nobody can be 100% sure of anything and that is what faith is all about. So for the one who is indeed currently struggling, you are doing the single most important thing anybody in the history of the world can ever do. I hope you will find this video clip as encouraging as I did.

For the Christian hope is what you cling to in the middle of the struggle. Faith is when you feel confident and sure of something and stake your life on it even thought you know it can’t be proved to you to be sure, and you cant see it. Real faith embraces doubt and doesn’t pretend it isn’t there. It is the outcome of the struggle which is why several Bible verses say our faith gets stronger through trials. Of course for some people faith is destroyed by the struggle because they just can’t reconcile the idea of a God of love with all the pain in this world. I can understand that perspective but all I can say is that if you do take God out of the equation and are left an atheist, that doesnt take away the pain. Ultimately, perhaps, it just takes away the hope though I am sure many would disagree.